Competency 12 - Managing One’s Emotions

Transforming Conflict into Growth:

Emotional Competencies: Emotional Regulation

Specific Competency: Managing One’s Emotions (including difficult emotions: anger, anxiety, sadness...)

Statement: Managing one’s emotions involves recognising and regulating emotional responses, especially during challenging situations. This competency is crucial for maintaining emotional stability and fostering healthy interactions.

Introduction

While understanding and identifying emotions (Competencies 9 and 10) and expressing them positively (Competency 11) are crucial, learning to manage your emotions is the next essential step. Managing emotions, particularly difficult ones like anger, anxiety, and sadness, helps prevent conflicts and improves overall mental health.

The Science of Difficult Emotions

Difficult emotions often hit our bodies before our brains have a chance to process them. When we encounter a stressful situation, our bodies respond with a surge of adrenaline and other stress hormones, preparing us for a fight-or-flight response. This physical reaction happens almost instantaneously and can cause symptoms like a racing heart, sweating, and rapid breathing.

Our beliefs and thoughts then influence how we perceive and manage these emotions. If we believe a situation is threatening, our emotional response may become more intense. Conversely, if we have coping strategies and a positive mindset, we can manage these emotions more effectively.

Part A: Start By Yourself

Objective: Develop the skill of managing your emotions by practising self-regulation techniques.

Instructions:

A) Reflect on Recent Situations:

• Identify a Recent Situation: Think about a recent situation where you felt a strong emotion, such as anger, anxiety, or sadness. Write down the situation, the emotion you felt, and how you responded. Consider whether your response was helpful or if it made the situation worse.
• Analyse Your Response: Reflect on how your body reacted before your brain had a chance to process the situation. Did you feel a surge of adrenaline, a racing heart, or rapid breathing? Write down these physical responses.
• Identify Your Strengths: Use your strengths from Competencies 1-11 to support your emotional regulation. For instance, apply mindful awareness from Competency 4 or impulsivity management from Competency 5. Write down specific strengths you can use to manage your emotions.

B) Practise a Calming Technique:

• Grounding Technique: In the moment when a difficult emotion hits, use this quick grounding technique:

5-4-3-2-1 Technique:

Name 5 things you can see around you.

Name 4 things you can touch.

Name 3 things you can hear.

Name 2 things you can smell.

Name 1 thing you can taste.

This helps bring your focus to the present moment, reducing the intensity of the emotion.

C) Document Your Experience:

• Emotional Diary: Keep an emotional diary where you document your emotional experiences and how you manage them. Write down the situation, the emotion you felt, the technique you used to manage it, and the outcome. Reflect on what worked well and what you could improve.
• Evaluate Techniques: Experiment with different strategies to see which ones are most effective in managing your emotions. Note any patterns or insights.

Benefits:

• Enhances emotional stability and resilience.
• Reduces the likelihood of emotional outbursts and conflicts.
• Improves overall mental health and well-being.

Part B: Share with Pairs, Family, or Friends

Objective: Develop the skill of managing emotions together by practising emotional regulation techniques as a group.

Instructions:

A) In Pairs or Groups:

• Share Recent Experiences: Share a recent experience where you faced a difficult emotion. Discuss how you managed this emotion and whether it was effective.
• Support Each Other: Offer support and validation to each other. Use your strengths from Competencies 1-11 to support each other's emotional regulation efforts.

B) Make It Supportive:

• Create a Safe Space: Create a safe space where everyone feels comfortable sharing their emotional experiences without judgement.
• Practise Together: Practise emotional regulation techniques together. For instance, try a group mindfulness meditation session or share strategies that work well for each person.
• Encourage Regular Use: Encourage each other to use these techniques regularly and provide feedback on their effectiveness.

Reflect Together:

• Reflect on Learnings: After practising emotional regulation techniques, reflect on what you learned. Discuss how these strategies can be applied to other areas of life.
• Encourage Continued Practice: Encourage each other to continue using these techniques to manage difficult emotions effectively.

Tips:

• Foster a supportive and non-judgemental atmosphere during emotional regulation discussions and activities.
• Be open to feedback and suggestions from others. For more on creating a feedback culture, see my Forbes article: Steps to Create a Successful Feedback Culture.
• Move from passive or destructive behaviours (e.g., avoiding, dismissing) to active and constructive behaviours (e.g., engaging, problem-solving). Read more about this in the article on Emotion Regulation Techniques.
• Celebrate each other’s progress and efforts in managing emotions positively.

Benefits:

• Promotes mutual understanding and support.
• Enhances emotional intelligence and resilience.
• Strengthens relationships through shared emotional regulation practices.

Join the Journey By integrating these competencies into your daily life, you can improve your mental health, build stronger relationships, and better handle life's challenges. Stay tuned for the next set of emotional competencies!

Want to take it further, reach out and let's talk ;-)

Let'st work together, book me or my team for coaching, keynotes, training and consulting.

In the meantime,

Take care,

Krumma

PS: click here for the free mental fitness app that might change your life and your relationships https://positive-performances.passion.io/